Each refugee resettlement effort writes its own story.  This one started off as particularly difficult because we were helping two families simultaneously.  Then, if you’ve read along, you remember that we had some issues moving the families into a house in a community 25 miles away from some of their family members who arrived sooner.

The situation has progressed on a downhill slide such that the 25 miles has become an overwhelming emotional distance.  This is intensified by one known factor — that is, the honeymoon is over and reality is setting in.  Nearly all refugees go through this emotionally tough stage. 

And, it’s intensified by a previously unknown factor — that is, these two families came as a linked case and therefore we all made some incorrect assumptions.  We assumed they had been together, liked each other, and wanted to stay that way.  Wrong, wrong, and wrong.  It turns out that these families lived apart in the refugee camp because they don’t get along when they’re living together.  You may understand that living with the in-laws might not be a good time.  Well, that’s the other factor coming into play.

So now what?  Here are some excerpts from a couple emails that were passed through our resettlement team.

“Things do change quickly sometimes, don’t they?
 
Two weekends ago, a crisis erupted between the families and the conclusion to all that came rather fast.   During this past week, there has been open dialog and great honesty between the families, LSS, and many of us on the committee.  I am so impressed with the communication, the love and the caring demonstrated with all involved during this difficult time.

In the end, some key members of the families made it clear that they are very lonely and sad to be living away from family in Milwaukee.  The rest of the family wants to stick together even if they may not be in total agreement about moving out of our community.

The details and consequences are a bit complicated and hard to sum up but bottom-line, they are adults using their free will to make a decision that is right for them.  I truly believe we provided sound information, advice, and encouragement for an informed decision. 
 
We worked hard, doing a great job though the outcome is not what we expected.

Whether they stay or leave, succeed or fail, we have given freely and that does not change based on the outcome.  We can be proud of our efforts!

This was followed by a reply…

“As I have processed and considered everything that has happened over the course of the last couple weeks, I am reminded that there are no guarantees while serving others.  In their shoes, I probably would have made the same decision.

Imagine leaving behind all you know, most of what you own, and going to another country (you don’t speak the language or understand the cultural norms), but you know you have a loved one already established there.  Then you arrive and discover that you aren’t going to live with or even near them.

Add to that the fact that culturally, you are expecting to live with that person.  What a let down — perhaps more traumatic than we realized.  I know we made a great effort to drive the family to visit their relatives frequently.  But, without their own transportation and the ability to see their relatives as often as they wanted (daily) it wasn’t enough.  Milwaukee is very far away from that perspective.

We mustn’t view this as a failure.  First, our role as sponsors is intended to be temporary.  And we have already met the timeline established by LSS for our involvement.  Also, the purpose we serve is to help re-establish independence and security while becoming part of our society.  We’ve done that — the fact that they trusted us enough to be honest about their situation and needs is an example of this. 

Also, that we honor their decision after providing them with the pros and cons from our perspective/experience, is evidence of that.  They could have chosen never to come. Perhaps that would have been better in terms of their emotional well being.  But, having come to Waukesha they blessed us with another experience to serve and witness our calling as Christians and as Refugee Sponsors.  We also gave them the best we could to help get started in this new life in the United States. 

Moving to Milwaukee doesn’t change that.  We helped them get started, now they will take what they’ve learned here and move to a new place, closer to their loved ones, and continue their journey.  It may not be what we hoped for, but it will be what they chose.  They have people who care about them and their welfare who will help them adjust.

I wanted to present this information to help out anyone considering refugee resettlement.  Your goal is to help any refugees become contributing members of society in the shortest period of time.  You may picture the desired outcome in your mind, and it’s great to strive for that, but in the end you must accept the reality of the situation. 

In this case we helped start their new life, but we will not finish their transition.  Our role ends sooner than intended.  The good news is that we can regroup and help another family, probably sooner than otherwise possible!

Yesterday I brought up “the system.”  Sometimes things go suspiciously well.  Sometimes things are completely crazy.  Try on today’s experience with the local electric and gas utility, We Energies.

One of our co-chairs placed a call to We Energies this morning to get the electric service switched into the name of the refugee family.  The We Energies representative refused.  She was told that it is not permitted to apply for electric service for someone else.  What?

Apparently, the utility does not allow 3rd party applications on new service contracts.  Due to privacy policies the rep couldn’t even tell our co-chair what procedures needed to be followed.  He would not even disclose the location of their office so that they could apply in person.  (Apparently the electric utility is a covert operation!?)  Instead he recommended that the applicant call in and ask for an interpreter.

The co-chair proceeded to the house of our refugee family and called back with the father of the family on hand.  She asked for a Burmese interpreter and explained why she needed one.  An interpreter was brought on the line.  Then the father and the interpreter talked for a while.  At one point he handed the phone back to the co-chair.

The interpreter then asked, “Why did he end the conversation and hand the phone back to you?”  She told him that, “while he may understand what the interpreter said, he couldn’t do anything about it, because he can’t explain it to me.  I don’t speak Burmese and he doesn’t speak English.  So you’ll have to tell me what you told him.”  What a complete waste of time!

Next stop — the We Energies satellite office.  After knocking on the hidden door and presenting the secret handshake, they were allowed in.  (OK, that part isn’t quite accurate, but you’d think there’d be some security like that after the initial treatment.)

At the office they had to present an application form, a copy of their lease, and the I-94 form (acting as a photo ID).  This has to be presented in person not mailed or faxed in.  Then all of this information will be faxed over to the main office where they will make a decision as to whether they will or will not provide electric service.  We Energies will call the applicant to discuss the results of their decision. 

All of this in the name of the Positive ID Act!

After the trip to the secret We Energies office they proceeded to the grocery store.  With a $100 gift card in hand, they spent $99.57.  No one was planning or adding up the costs, it just happened to leave 43 cents on the card.  Not bad.

They also stopped at a community clothing store called the Clothes Closet which provides donated clothing to low-income families.  (The Clothes Closet is a program of the Cooperating Congregations of Waukesha County.)  Each person was able to select up to 10 items of clothing and shoes.

The family did not identify clothing as having intended gender.  They picked out what they liked regardless of whether it was originally created for a boy or girl, man or woman.  If the jeans or the sandals fit, they’ll be worn.  Maybe our normal ideas of gender and clothing might be a bit exaggerated.

Tomorrow is garbage day so we had to demonstrate how to take the garbage to the curb for pickup.

And, the surprise for the day?  We learned that the husband of the 20 year-old woman in the family (who was separated via a different resettlement) will arrive tomorrow morning at 10:00 via bus.  He’s coming in from somewhere in Nebraska.  While this may mean we’re helping to take care of yet another person, he also represents the potential for another income stream in the family.

All seems well at the family’s house today.  One of our team co-chairs met a member from our church congregation at the house.  This church member has really stepped up to fill in the gaps with donated items.  And, she’s gone above and beyond as well.

She brought new toys, books, a couple clothing outfits for the children, some brand new oscillating fans for the bedrooms, and a new car seat!  Going a step further, she went online to learn about the family’s dietary preferences and bought groceries for them too.  She also provided a gift card for the grocery store to help on a future visit.  Thank you!  Thank you!

When you are determined to do something good in the world, it is amazing the help and assistance that flows from other people.  God has directed our activities with abundance for the past 8 years.

Using the donated wooden ABC blocks our co-chair stayed a while and “taught” the entire family the alphabet song.  Everyone had a good time with several family members trying to sing along while the youngest kept trying to eat the blocks.

Meanwhile a couple more family members were taken to their new family doctor to have an arrival check-up.

While unpacking linens that were donated for the family, some napkins were uncovered in the box.  The women in the family were very excited, certainly more excited than we would expect, to see the decorative cloth dinner napkins.  Has it been so long since they’ve had a fine napkin to set on their lap or to wipe their hands?

They quickly started looking for the nicest ones.  Each woman selected her favorite and promptly put her choice on her head.  They also found one for the head of the youngest child.  Oh, now we get the cultural lesson.  The cloth napkins were just the right size for headcovering and much more glamorous than what had been available in a refugee camp.

One of the children had their first medical appointment today.  I won’t go into details because medical information must be kept private.  Let’s just say that it was a difficult process.  The clinic has access to a language line and was able to get a Burmese interpreter.  The mom speaks the Karenni language, not much Burmese.  In the future we’ll have to have the father along to speak to the language line.

After that the entire family went to the public health department for their required TB tests.

And then, a miracle happened.  The telephone was installed today.  I call this a miracle because getting telephone service is often a problem.  What helped simplify the telephone application process this year was that we had a social security number by the time the family moved into the house.  That meant that we didn’t have to jump through some of the usual hoops.

By the end of the day they the telephone number was assigned and the telephone line was working.  This is a great step forward.  It means that if there are any serious issues we can get them on the phone with an interpreter to help move communication forward.  Things are moving forward nicely.

One of our co-chairs and her husband went to the family’s house twice today.  First she returned some bedding that she had taken home to wash, and she picked up more blankets to launder later.  Yesterday we believed that the wash machine in the house did not work.  Today the consensus is that it works, but the cold water delivery isn’t up to par.  It will have to be fixed.

The first cultural lesson of the day could also be considered a food safety lesson.  This is a lesson we’ve had to teach to several families.  That is, leftover food should be refrigerated. 

In this case leftover chicken from yesterday’s lunch was discovered in a bowl in the cupboard.  We’ve seen other families use cupboards, the oven, and even microwave oven as food storage places.  If you consider their past, from days in a refugee camp, having leftover food is probably not a very usual problem.  And, when it is, you would want to store somewhere that bugs or other animals will not get it.  If a refrigerator is unavailable you’d work with what you have.

Common language is not necessary to teach this lesson.  Simply pointing, and explaining that it belongs in the refrigerator, while putting it in there is generally sufficient.  The lesson may need to be repeated before it really sticks.  We’ll also put this on our list of things to discuss further the next time we have the convenience of an interpreter.

On the second trip, our co-chair returned the freshly laundered blankets and supervised the delivery of new bed rails and the box spring mattress for a queen size bed.  She and her husband also swapped out the mattress on a twin size bed with a brand new mattress that was donated. 

They also demonstrated how to use the alarm function on the alarm clock the family received.  It seemed rather complicated so we may need to replace the clock with a simpler one at some point.  The use of an alarm clock becomes important when we schedule early appointments and becomes much more critical once employment is obtained.

Several bicycles were donated.  These are great for family members to get around and explore their neighborhood.  Until they master the local bus service and/or get a car the bikes can be a way to move around independently.  Someone on our resettlement team will have to take a look to make sure they’re all safe with tires properly inflated.

A retired plumber from our church stopped by the house to fix an outside water faucet.  It was dripping, OK running, much more than it should in an off position.  No point in running up extra water utility bills.

The other co-chair took the family grocery shopping.  This resulted in another cultural lesson.  Fortunately she noticed, before leaving the house, that one of the adults entered the minivan barefoot.  She had to point out that footwear is required in grocery stores.  This resulted in some conversation and the ultimate acquisition of shoes, potentially borrowed from someone else in the family.

While grocery shopping they indicated a need to purchase shoes.  Since the grocery store was not next to a shoe store that purchase will have to wait.

Overall the family seemed happy and pretty comfortable in their new home.