Resettlement Project Coming to a Close
Day 85
Each refugee resettlement effort writes its own story. This one started off as particularly difficult because we were helping two families simultaneously. Then, if you’ve read along, you remember that we had some issues moving the families into a house in a community 25 miles away from some of their 
family members who arrived sooner.
The situation has progressed on a downhill slide such that the 25 miles has become an overwhelming emotional distance. This is intensified by one known factor — that is, the honeymoon is over and reality is setting in. Nearly all refugees go through this emotionally tough stage.
And, it’s intensified by a previously unknown factor — that is, these two families came as a linked case and therefore we all made some incorrect assumptions. We assumed they had been together, liked each other, and wanted to stay that way. Wrong, wrong, and wrong. It turns out that these families lived apart in the refugee camp because they don’t get along when they’re living together. You may understand that living with the in-laws might not be a good time. Well, that’s the other factor coming into play.
So now what? Here are some excerpts from a couple emails that were passed through our resettlement team.
“Things do change quickly sometimes, don’t they?
Two weekends ago, a crisis erupted between the families and the conclusion to all that came rather fast. During this past week, there has been open dialog and great honesty between the families, LSS, and many of us on the committee. I am so impressed with the communication, the love and the caring demonstrated with all involved during this difficult time.In the end, some key members of the families made it clear that they are very lonely and sad to be living away from family in Milwaukee. The rest of the family wants to stick together even if they may not be in total agreement about moving out of our community.
The details and consequences are a bit complicated and hard to sum up but bottom-line, they are adults using their free will to make a decision that is right for them. I truly believe we provided sound information, advice, and encouragement for an informed decision.
We worked hard, doing a great job though the outcome is not what we expected.Whether they stay or leave, succeed or fail, we have given freely and that does not change based on the outcome. We can be proud of our efforts!
This was followed by a reply…
“As I have processed and considered everything that has happened over the course of the last couple weeks, I am reminded that there are no guarantees while serving others. In their shoes, I probably would have made the same decision.
Imagine leaving behind all you know, most of what you own, and going to another country (you don’t speak the language or understand the cultural norms), but you know you have a loved one already established there. Then you arrive and discover that you aren’t going to live with or even near them.
Add to that the fact that culturally, you are expecting to live with that person. What a let down — perhaps more traumatic than we realized. I know we made a great effort to drive the family to visit their relatives frequently. But, without their own transportation and the ability to see their relatives as often as they wanted (daily) it wasn’t enough. Milwaukee is very far away from that perspective.
We mustn’t view this as a failure. First, our role as sponsors is intended to be temporary. And we have already met the timeline established by LSS for our involvement. Also, the purpose we serve is to help re-establish independence and security while becoming part of our society. We’ve done that — the fact that they trusted us enough to be honest about their situation and needs is an example of this.
Also, that we honor their decision after providing them with the pros and cons from our perspective/experience, is evidence of that. They could have chosen never to come. Perhaps that would have been better in terms of their emotional well being. But, having come to Waukesha they blessed us with another experience to serve and witness our calling as Christians and as Refugee Sponsors. We also gave them the best we could to help get started in this new life in the United States.
Moving to Milwaukee doesn’t change that. We helped them get started, now they will take what they’ve learned here and move to a new place, closer to their loved ones, and continue their journey. It may not be what we hoped for, but it will be what they chose. They have people who care about them and their welfare who will help them adjust.
I wanted to present this information to help out anyone considering refugee resettlement. Your goal is to help any refugees become contributing members of society in the shortest period of time. You may picture the desired outcome in your mind, and it’s great to strive for that, but in the end you must accept the reality of the situation.
In this case we helped start their new life, but we will not finish their transition. Our role ends sooner than intended. The good news is that we can regroup and help another family, probably sooner than otherwise possible!
